singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
