some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
