He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
