I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
