You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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