can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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