you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
