look no pants
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
