ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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