i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
