Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
