just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
