my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
