Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
