The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
