apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
