I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Duck Duck Cougar?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
