i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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