It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
