you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
