I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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