Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
