I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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