I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
