I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
