just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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