yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
it hurts more in the daytime
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
