This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
