i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
