Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
