how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
