found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
