So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
