her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
