Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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