i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
