Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
