I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
