Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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