Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
