Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I came so hard my ears popped.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
