I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
