he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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