I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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