so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
How external is "for external use only"?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
