We're like a lot better than the average bears
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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