Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
