She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
this just has baby written all over it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
