Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
