When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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