I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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