i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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