if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
