Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
