i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
