were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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